Lost Threads

I have a short memory . I remember things for a short period of time, and am very forgetful. I , however in this life of mine , never felt handicapped due to this , but this incident is making me go berserk over this tendency of mine ,.. for i cant recollect what SHE exactly looked like.

On the fateful evening of 21st January 2005 , i lost the person who often made a lazy chap like me travel frm my home to hers , and sometimes my city to hers.. my grandmother (dad's mom) passed away due to cerebral atrophy. I need much much longer time to write about this experience , which has rendered me even more disenchanted with this weary incarnation of mine. This blog, however i dedicate to the SHE i mentioned in the first paragraph.

I received a call from my father , and then my mother , that i would have to attend the 'tehrevi' of my granny . I was reluctant to go , for i dont believe in ne kind of rituals , more so when i already had carried out the most tormenting task of cremating the person , who would have run miles away from the slighest heat. 'Rituals' made me submit her to fire.... neways , i made my mind to travel to Dehra DUn , my native beloved place on the evening of Saturday 29th January 2005.

I left college at 8:15 pm n made my way to Mohun Nagar , from where i board a bus/taxi , as the case may be.

 

I reached this place around quater to nine , and had some tea. While i was waitning for my bus , i got into some deep thoughts as if why we have to go through all this , and that it was not the last time that i had to do this ! Nature is very cruel, dosent let you do your will.

Meanwhile having waited for 10 mins. or so , i noticed a bus bearing a source-dest : Delhi-Dehradun . The bus appeared to be full , and unfortunately , most of the people waiting there with me seemed to approach that bus only . Fellow Doonites !

 

I somehow made my way to the steps of the bus and had to be there for a while, till the passengers moved to the back of the bus a bit. The bus started moving, and i took a deep breathe to ralax from the hectic boarding experience, only to realise that the interior of the bus smelled offensive. The environment was choked with smoke and dirty carbondioxde , which the fools wudnt let out , for it was quite cold and the windows were to be kept shut.

 

I moved turned my head and took a quick view of the pasengers . It was a rustic gathering. No offenses meant ( I too have my roots in th villages of wester UP) , but the fact is that people belonging to this belt of Meerut , Muzaffarnagar , Shamali , even outskirts of delhi , are real fools. I wud have been typically one had my granpa wudnt have decided to move to dehra dun and continued doing encestral zamindari.

 

In crux , the bus was terrible. Some people were talking really loudly in the typical accent , and soon i realised it wud go beyond my tolerence limits to continue standing there , I desperately needed a seat , atleast.

 

AFter stnding for a while , responding to the loud demand of the conductor "Ticket bana lena bhai apne apne , koi sawari bina ticket na ho .." I somehow made my way , amidst pushes and jerks to the conductor's seat.

"Ek Dehra Dun..."

"Nahi jayegi"

"Kya , phir.. ?"

"Hardwar jayegi, Roorkee utar jaiyo"

My experienece of the frequency of buses plyingfrom Roorkee to D Dun around Mid Night is really bad , so i decided to take a ticket to Meerut.

"Meerut tak ka de do phir."

As i talked to the conductor , i felt that i was being watched , the instinct that tells us everytime we are being !

Three passengers away from me stood this girl in a black shawl. She would have newyas caught my attntion , not because she was extraordinarily beautiful , but because she was the only 'Other' educated decent fellow in the bus. I shouldnt however deny that she was pretty too !

I looked back again to search for the gap i had left at the place i had come frm , but which had long back been reoccupied , and I didnt really feel like going back to claim my space. I looked at the girl , she was still looking at me , this time , smiling though. She was not really feeling comfortable there , with some young fellows intentionally trying to sandwitch her. She looked at me with eyes that expected me to come to her rescue ;) . No kidding , she DID. So i went upto her and requested the fellow beside her to make some space for me . However i got enough space made for 2 ppl to stand comfortably. She turned her side towards me , and without uttering a word, fixed her gaze horizontally at her eye's level , which was somwhere near my chin , so she must have been 5 feet 4-5 inches or so.

 

Here i must say that what i did was purely a gesture of gentlemanhood . No other interests ! Those who might disagree , may.

She never looked up , and i never looked down. I however noticed that she was carrying books on Motors and shafts or something , presumably was an Electrical ENgg. student. I wonder however how i managed to see this without looking down . Means i did look down .

"Electrical Sciences..is it ?"

SHe nodded her head.

"Stay in Meerut.. ?"

Nodded again.

This time i had a strange thought , "..is she dumb..?" might be.. i dnt know why , but i had a strong feeling that she was...for she hadnt made a single noise till now , or since im forgetful , she might have , and i mightve missed that..neways if she is , "...poor fellow.." i thought.

The driver was driving really slow , n most of the passengers were abusing him freely. I would have deefinitely joined them , but her presence made me decide not to. I saw that she was feeling suffocated due to the oversmoked environment. I looked around to see if i cud request nebody. But majority wins, so did the smokers , who constituted almost 60 percent of the commuters.. (somehow , coincidently, there were almost no females in the bus) , so i decided to remain silent, for i wud have to go to everyone n request individually, and these guys love fighting, over small issues, and i was in no mood .

 

I scanned my pocket to check if i had a handkerchief. Incidentally i had a clean (which i dnt expect myself to be carrying) kerchief. I had not yet offered it to her , but she snatched it from my hand. SHe wrapped it aroud her chilseled roman nose, took some deep breaths and turned her eyes towards mine , expressions of gartitude embedded. I smiled at her , expressions : My pleasure.

I wud like to say something here. We dont know much about this world. Our understanding and comprehension is limited to the events that we see around us. We have formed preconceived notions abouth the rules that govern our existence. I am a person who believes strongly in logic and rationale. However , we cant deny things that weve not seen with our own eyes. Her presence was very soothing, very graceful. She might must have been related to me in my past life , may be. SHe must have been someone very close to me , for i really liked helping her, and felt satisfied after doing so. Might have been my mother , or sister , or god knows what ! But she was not just 'another co traveller'.

 

Meanwhile , she took the kerchief off her nose, exhaled a deep breath and softly put the same around my nose.. and blinked her eyes. And she wudnt let the kerchief slip off my nose, she kept it wound round my face , and made sure that no smoke i wud inhale ! And i didnt feel odd. I was beginning to feel that we can never understand why some things happen , and what relevance and indication do they have.

 

This was just one of them. I was beginning to feel very weak against the mighty nature , who wud never slip her secrets out . Some days ago , me and Micky (Aditya) ha a night long discussion about things that are beyond our limited understanding. Ultimately , we had surrenderd. So did i surrender again.

 

The driver was perhaps a novice, for the fool was driving very slowly , his drivibg skills were raw , and he wud brake n change geras very often. Many a times we just somehow got hold of the rod... or else we wud be on the dirty floor, or on some fool. Im tall enough to hold the rod that runs along the roof of the bus. but she wud not have felt really comfortable to hold that continuously. Once again , after a severe jerk , she looked upto me and looking at my arm , said, "May I ?"

Ohh.. she speaks .. I was rather glad , and said "..sure". She held my arm tightly and continued looking through the front glass, where she had been continuously looking before this.

"So .. wht do you do ?"

 

She didnt reply , may be i was too low in my voice. I didnt repeat the question.

She clasped my arm firmly , and once in a while wud look up to check if i had dozed off, but i cant sleep in buses n trains , so i was awake. Sometimes she wud smile , sometimes she wud look upto me with thankfulness, sometimes wud lament that the journey ws too long to bear , sometimes wud just look blankly.

 

This continued for another 1.5 hours , finally the bus reached Meerut bus stand.

Many people got off, and i noticed that another bus was standing destined for dehra dun. Was moving slowly, so i decided to run towards it , before it wud leave. I was too tired to make her get down n bid her farewell, even she knew that , and made her way through the door on her own, all i could see was that there was a lady (or a mature girlI shud say) , might have been her elder sis..who was waitng for her on the bus stand. She shook hands with her and both were soon busy in talks.

My mission was not to notice wht they were doing , but to catch the bus, which i successfully achieved. I rushed inside and saw that a window seat was vacant. I pouned on it , I was really tired , for I had been standing for quite a while now ..

I pushed the seat back and stretchhed my full body..The bus had started moving.

SOmebody then knocked ont the window pane , it was she ( i still didnt know her name, neither did she)....i pushed the window open.

 

"... Thanks So much Vivek, It wud have been a Longer and troublesome journey without you , .. Ill see you soon ! Bye.." an she waved her hand.. i waved back , and smiled, the time was around 11:30 , roads were free, didnt take much time for the bus to speed its way out . It was such a natural and comfortable parting , that it took me some time to realise that she had taken my name !!

Bus stand was far gone , so must have been she. I was too tired to think the unthinkable...to stop the bus , run back , check if she was still there (no body likes a bus stand) so i just wiped the moisture from my window and looked up to see if the sky was overcaste. It was clear , and I could see Orion right above me . He had been following me right from delhi , and would be with me till Dehra Dun.... in fact he'll be with me all his...err "my" life. Hes a faithful follower , u know !